By the time you read this, if all goes as planned, Heidi Messenger and her daughter, Afton, will be walking the stage at commencement—Heidi earning her bachelor’s degree in communication disorders and Afton earning hers in elementary education. And, according to this mother-daughter duo, they will always cherish the time they’ve spent together as McKay School students.
“It’s so fun!” Heidi said of sharing undergraduate life with her daughter. “I’ve really appreciated that Afton knows all the technology stuff. She’s helped me a ton. I’m always questioning myself, like, ‘What am I doing here?’ She’s been super encouraging, like, ‘Mom, you’re fine. You’re just the cute mom in class. No one thinks you’re weird.’”
Heidi is finishing what she started long ago as an undergraduate at what is now Utah Valley University. She earned an associate’s degree there while meeting and marrying her husband, Judd. Judd transferred to BYU and earned a bachelor’s degree in construction management, while Heidi focused on helping Judd through school and supporting their growing family: Afton came first, followed by Lucy, a recent high school graduate, and then sons Liam, now 13, and Eli, 10.
When Eli started kindergarten, Heidi started a job in Nebo School District’s preschool, working with students with special needs.
“I loved the one-on-one work with the kids,” Heidi said. “I loved the group lessons in the classroom. I could see it making a difference for the kids.” She also worked as a substitute teacher, becoming in-demand because she is willing—eager, actually—to work with special-needs students.
In the meantime, Afton was growing up and planning to major in business, not at BYU.
“BYU was never in the plan,” she said. She served a mission in Phoenix, Arizona, and then enrolled at BYU–Hawaii. “On my mission, I learned that I love teaching. It never even crossed my mind to be a teacher. I was a talker in school, so I got in trouble a lot, and I never felt like I super loved going to school. I never felt very understood.
“But teaching on my mission, especially teaching little kids, changed everything for me.”
On her mission, Afton met a young man who later became her boyfriend. This relationship would be life-changing, although it did not last, because Afton decided to transfer to BYU from BYU–Hawaii while they were dating. But that first year, fresh from both Hawaii and a difficult breakup, was hard. “That whole first year was really rough, but I love the department. It was awesome,” Afton said. “And the McKay Building has been a huge sanctuary for me.”
In the meantime, back at home, Judd Messenger had earned a master’s degree in real estate development. “After that, I said, ‘Okay, it’s my turn,’” Heidi said. “But when I was about to start, I was like, ‘I don’t know how I’m going to do this. This seems so overwhelming.’ And he said, ‘What if I do all the dishes and all the laundry?’ And he does! He’s very supportive.”
Their majors hit home for both mother and daughter: one of the Messengers’ sons is likely on the autism spectrum, and another has a language disorder. Other family members have struggled with learning disorders, as well. “It’s been fascinating to learn about those things and to get the skills so that we can help,” Heidi said.
Their time on campus will grow all the more precious once they’ve graduated because, while Heidi hopes to continue at BYU as a graduate ComD student, Afton is open to working all over the country—or all over the world.
“I love watching her be a student,” Afton said of her mother. “She’s incredible—I’ve never seen a harder worker or a crazier studier! She gets assignments done way before they’re due, which is not what my generation does at all.”
Heidi laughingly acknowledged the pressure she puts on herself. “As a nontraditional student, you may think everything has to be perfect,” she said, adding that Afton has been a boon to her mental health.
Afton said she deeply respects her mother’s ability to “rock it” in a demanding major and as a mother: “I do really well in school, and I’m still like, ‘Mom, chill out! You can still do it and not be so high-pressure!’”
Despite their different approaches, the Messengers feel a deep unity in the motivation that led them to the McKay School. “I think we both have gifts in working with little children,” Heidi said. “I grew up the oldest of seven kids and helped a lot in the home, and Afton was kind of a mom to her two younger brothers, and she’s the oldest grandchild. We have such a love for children—especially little children—and I think that is really what brings us to this field: helping these little, tiny ones in their earliest years and showing them love.”